


mourning and popcorn

by stupidloud (beetime)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Season/Series 15, and his brother slash in law, basically just a quick little thing of sam mourning cas, cas comes back too this is why this isnt pure angst i aint wild like that, thats his bestie!!!!, this isnt set in heaven though the heaven thing doesnt happen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-14 08:07:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29664270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beetime/pseuds/stupidloud
Summary: Dean’s hand flexes on the neck of his bottle. Sam sees it in the light of the credits and he shifts to face him more fully, “I know that. But. I miss him too.“Sometimes,” he starts and has to stop. This whole talking about their feelings thing, it’s pretty recent. Sam’s lobbied for it his whole life, but the fact Dean isn’t pushing back anymore is a lot more off-putting than he thought it’d be. Dean just looks at him. He finally continues, “Sometimes I see him. In the war room or in the library. Not actually,” he amends quickly. Dean exhales a snort. Sam kicks his foot out plaintively. “Just. The negative space of where he should be. And it hurts.”
Relationships: Castiel & Sam Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester (background), Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester (background)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 68





	mourning and popcorn

**Author's Note:**

> me posting an spn work in 2021 yall..... the gall...
> 
> i wrote this in like half an hour just a lot of a sudden all while actively crying. i dont even know. it literally poured out of me. i just like sam and cas's relationship they're besties. if people actually like it i might do a sam&cas centric series for funsies. who knows! cheers

Sam dreams of Cas. 

Probably not how Dean does. They’ve taken a few cases since—

So Sam’s been woken up by the whimpering, the choked off calls for him in the middle of motel nights. He asks, a cautious hand on Dean’s shoulder before they head out for the case, if he’s okay and Dean one day answers with an uncharacteristically honest, “No. Can’t do anything about it though, can I?”

Sam can’t argue with that one. He has Dean, Jack, and Eileen all in one piece. They won. They finally won. But Cas’s deaths, they’ve never been like this. 

He dreams and when it’s of Cas, they’re memories, coming and going as if to keep him there a little longer.

_“I don’t think we measured the bone powder out right,” he says and it’s Cas that grabs him down to duck before the spellwork blows up in their faces and they lose matching eyebrows for a month._

_“Sometimes I think I’ll look around the corner and he’ll be there, taunting me,” he admits quietly and it’s Cas who understands and agrees and suggests Sam help him with a new recipe he found on Pinterest._

_“You’re gonna piss off my brother,” he spits around a gag and it’s Cas that steps forward, eyes blazing and, yeah, pissed off._

He wakes up like normal. No crying, no screaming, no gasps for breath.

But the grief’s there regardless.

Eileen knows. She asked once they reunited, signed _Dean, Cas?_

Sam had said, “Dean,” and cut off, head hanging as tears rose. She hugged him close. He mourned.

“I know it’s not the same,” he finally says one day, the night after the motel, once they’re back home and splitting a pack of beers in Dean’s cave. They’re catching up on _The Mandalorian_ and he finally speaks when the screen for the next episode shows up.

Dean’s hand flexes on the neck of his bottle. Sam sees it in the light of the credits and he shifts to face him more fully, “I know that. But. I miss him too.

“Sometimes,” he starts and has to stop. This whole talking about their feelings thing, it’s pretty recent. Sam’s lobbied for it his whole life, but the fact Dean isn’t pushing back anymore is a lot more off-putting than he thought it’d be. Dean just looks at him. He finally continues, “Sometimes I see him. In the war room or in the library. Not actually,” he amends quickly. Dean exhales a snort. Sam kicks his foot out plaintively. “Just. The negative space of where he should be. And it hurts.”

There’s an ache in his throat. He won’t cry. He’s good at this, by this point. Mourning. The crying’s over. But the hurt isn’t. 

The silence isn’t awkward. Sam knows Dean needs a second to process when emotions come up. 

“He was family,” Dean finally croaks. He’s picking at the label on the beer bottle, clears his throat, “No matter which way he was that. For the both of us. He was family.”

“He’ll always be family,” Sam agrees. 

That silence again. Sam takes a pull of his beer. Dean takes a loud, shaky breath. 

A tear makes its way down Dean’s face and he doesn’t even make a move to wipe it away. “It does hurt. You’re real goddamn right about that, Sammy.”

“Yeah,” Sam says. He sets his beer down. “Dean, we don’t have to talk about it. But we’re allowed to feel it.”

“Yeah,” Dean echoes.

They hadn’t been ignoring it. They couldn’t, with his baking supplies in the kitchen drawers, with his organization system still only half finished in the storage room, with Jack being Cas’s more than any of theirs. But they’ve kept themselves busy enough up until this point to not do _this_.

This has Cas all over it too. 

Dean leans forward, pressing his free hand over his eyes. “I love him. And I never told him, Sam. I never—“

Sam’s up before he realizes it, going over to sit on the arm of the recliner with a, “I know, man,” as he wraps an arm around Dean’s shoulders.

Dean doesn’t even fight it. “I should’ve. I _should’ve._ ”

“I never told him either. Not in the same—“ He gives a watery laugh, “Not in the same way, obviously—“

“Better not be,” Dean chokes out, leaning into Sam’s side and peeling his hand off his face. He takes a shaky sip of his beer. “Eileen deserves better as it is.”

Sam jostles his shoulder to bump Dean’s head lightly. He’s right, but he’s also Sam’s brother, so he’s not allowed to be. 

Dean hikes up the sleeve of his flannel to wipe at his eyes. He takes the bottle in both hands, rolling it between his palms with a shaky breath. “I don’t know if he did. Know, I mean.” A beat. “Not for me, anyway. Not like that. But. For us.”

Sam nods. “Yeah. Yeah, me too.”

They stay like that for a while. Just until Dean finally smacks a hand out and plants it on his face to get him away with an, _Alright, alright we need to catch up or Jack’s gonna spoil it all_ and Sam, naturally, starts puckering his lips and cooing about how much he enjoyed their heart to heart to a new wave of protest. 

Nothing but the truth, obviously, Dean knows that. They don’t talk about it again, but they don’t really have to. It’s out in the open. They get it.

When Cas shows up in the barn, when he heals the hole in Dean’s chest and finally pauses chewing out a shell shocked Dean for telling Sam to move on to round on _Sam_ , he tackles him to the ground. The guy’s fully angel again, the shadows at his back that painted the walls a minute ago are proof enough, but he yelps and goes down when Sam gets his arms around him anyway.

“ _Cas_ ,” he says and he’d already been crying but he starts again, “thank you. God, you’re _back_ , I was so scared—“ Sam sits them up. He finally gets a good grip, their cheeks nearly pressed together, “I missed you so much, man.”

Cas’ still-glowing eyes are wide, the anger melting away as one hand comes up to press into Sam’s back cautiously. He opens his mouth as if to say something before closing it and bringing his other arm up. 

“I missed you too, Sam.”

Sam pulls away only to look at Dean, at the way he’s working his slack jaw, and pulls him in too. There’s a moment of Cas freezing, going stiff. But once Dean reciprocates with some choked off rendition of his name that breaks even _Sam’s_ heart, they’re back, one giant pile of trauma and fucked up family.

Sam does really let go when he thinks it appropriate. “You guys can—“ He wipes at his face messily, “I’m gonna start the car and call Eileen. For, like, ten minutes. You guys take a second.” He gets up, patting Cas’ shoulder as he does. “I love you, man. Glad you’re back.”

Cas’ head snaps up. Sam doesn’t wait for a response, stepping over vamp corpses to exit the barn. 

The sun’s starting to set, shining off the hood of the Impala. He can hear their voices start up again from inside once he pulls the doors as shut as he can, and Sam smiles.

They emerge fourteen minutes later, messily hand in hand. Sam swats away the knee jerk disgust response, because he can give them this freebie, but looks at their joint hands pointedly before leering at Dean specifically.

“Shut up,” Dean says, swatting at the back of his head. “You’re in the back.”

When they get back home, Jack’s already running toward the foot of the stairs so Cas catches him in a hug the second he’s at the bottom. Dean announces he’s making burgers and the very first thing Eileen says after letting go of her own turn at Cas is an excited, “ _Shots!”_

They haven’t had a moment like this, all together, _happy_ since—

“Stop hogging all the popcorn, you two are terrible,” Sam spills himself across Dean’s lap in a tipsy dive for the bowl in Cas’s, hurriedly kept out of his reach. “You’re full angel again, I’ll cut my palm open and draw the sigil right now, don’t test me—“

“Like hell,” Dean barks, cuffing his neck.

Cas did away with enough Tito’s to put down two of Sam, so it’s unsurprising when his words are on the better side of slurred as he flicks another kernel into his mouth, “I did not want to use the dead card so early on, but—“

“Freaking _cop out_ ,” Sam hisses. 

“Could I get some?” Jack asks and that’s when Sam’s about ready to actually wrestle him for it. Not that he has to. Cas surrenders it immediately, to Jack’s delight, ‘cause they can’t refuse him anyway.

Sam straightens out, blowing air out through his teeth. Eileen pats at his arm and signs, _Go make more. Extra butter._

“On it,” he responds with an exaggerated sigh and presses a kiss to her temple before rising. Dean gags. Sam flips him off. 

Cas follows his lead with a, “I’ll do the same,” that’s briefly interrupted by Dean catching the collar of his own shirt, the _hypocrite_ , and bringing their mouths together. Sam pantomimes hurling, holding his stomach as Dean returns the finger.

They make it to the kitchen eventually and Sam only stumbles into a wall once. He does knock down the Great Wall of Cereal Boxes in his scramble for the Orville’s, but that’s a more sober problem.

Cas is looking through all the other cabinets with pursed lips, concentration to the max. Sam rips open two of the packets and throws them in the microwave. The buttons all swim together for a second, so just maybe he’s quickly getting led into the more-than-tipsy category, but he only has to reset it to actually be popcorn after two tries, so that’s a win.

“M&M’s,” Cas mutters, like he’s trying to threaten them into existence.

Sam automatically goes to get from his stash but stops and pokes at Cas’ shin with his toe. Cas squints at him.

He wags a finger in the air, “I’m about to make you privy to top secret information you can’t tell Dean. Ever.”

Cas nods once, gravely, “Yes. Understood.”

Sam nods back and reaches for the box of gluten-free instant rice on the highest shelf in the cabinet. He pops it open and procures his jumbo pack of M&M’s to Cas’ whispered _Oh_ before putting the box back.

“He kept stealing them,” Sam reasons and offers them out. The popcorn starts doing its thing as Cas takes a handful. “If you ever want Oreos, they’re in the organic kale pasta.”

“Noted,” Cas says. 

They both lean back against the counter, staring at the microwave light as the popcorn spins into being. It’s the first time they’re alone since the barn, just Sam and his best friend (in law?) the angel. He grins.

“Hey, remember when we met, and one of the first things you did was go like,” he drops his voice to imitate Cas’, “‘Oh, right, the abomination kid.’”

Cas hums. He’s separating the M&M’s into their respective colors in his palm, same as Sam does, and he responds, “I don’t remember it exactly like that. But yes. Sorry about that.”

“You weren’t wrong,” Sam shrugs.

“I _do_ remember,” Cas chews thoughtfully and swallows, holding a free finger up, “you said it was an _honor_ to meet me.”

Sam wrinkles his nose, “See if I’d known a few years down the line you’d be a popcorn hoarder, I wouldn’t have said that, though.”

“But you did.”

“At least I didn’t stab you. You kiss the people who stab you.”

“Yes, the circles of those two categories are indeed synchronous.”

Sam snickers. He tips the bag of M&M’s directly into his mouth and Cas goes to clear the microwave before it beeps. He brings two other bowls down so Sam grabs the butter from the fridge to get a spoon of it out into one. He lets Cas delegate how many M&M’s he wants in the other one before putting them back.

He has to bring complete concentration into play to pinch the corners of the bag and not burn himself as he pours it out. Except for a few rogue kernels, they’re pretty evenly cooked, both of them, so he whoops and holds a fist out for Cas to bump. “Mission success.”

The side of Cas’ mouth lifts and he obliges to the bump. They grab their respective bowls and Cas hovers at the doorway while Sam flips the lights back off. 

They walk back with less hustle than before, in comfortable silence until Cas says, “Sam… I didn’t get the chance to say it back, earlier. But I love you too.”

Sam warms up, giving him a wide grin and a thump on the back, “Yeah, dude. I know.”

Cas smiles back.

They settle back in and Eileen pretends she sat on the remote and _that’s_ why the movie’s still playing, no other reason, so while it rewinds Sam can clearly hear Dean loudly whisper, “Hey, where’d you find the M&M’s?”

Sam side eyes them. Cas doesn’t even look in his direction, tipping his head onto Dean’s where it is on his shoulder with a noncommittal, “Unsure. Somewhere.”

A level or two more sober, or even a degree less lovesick, Dean might’ve pushed and called out their kahoots, but instead he hums his assent and gets another mouthful.

Cas meets Sam’s eye over his head and winks.

Sam flashes a thumbs up and drops the arm around Eileen. 

They watch the movie.

**Author's Note:**

> comment and kudos! or dont!


End file.
